Category Archives: Social Media

You’ve Been Unfriended

Paano mo malalaman na ayaw na sa iyo ng friends mo?

May sukatan ba upang malaman mo kung ayaw na sa iyo ng mga friends mo? Ito ba ay nararamdaman ba katulad ng isang gut feel o kinakailangang may closure, may pag-uusap na wala na ang invisible thread na nag-uugnay bilang magkakaibigan?

May mga indications ba na ang pagkakaibigan ay umabot na sa katapusan? Sa panahong ang buhay ng mga tao ay umiinog sa Social Media at sa pagpo-post ng mga larawan, tweets at status updates, nakikita dito either mga subtle or cryptic messages o kaya lantarang pagpapakita ng mensaheng: Hindi ka na belong sa iyong circle of friends.

Anu-ano ba ang mga senyales na ito? Narito sa listahan ang ilan:

1. Picture na pinost sa social media: maaring ito ay larawang kuha na ang mga kaibigang mo ay magkakasama for a lunch or coffee date at ikaw lang ang wala. Dalawang scenario: inimbitahan ka pero hindi ka nakarating OR sila lang ang nag-usap na magkikita at hindi ka sinabihan. Pwede namang i-tag ang pangalan mo para sabihing “we miss you and we wish you were here” kung talaga hindi kaya ng schedule mo na makasama sa kanila. Kung hindi ka tinag dahil hindi ka nga nabigyan ng invitation or in other words, “wala kang memo”, malinaw na hindi ka nila talaga gusto isama sa lakad na iyon. In other words, #alamnathis
2. Nagte-text ka sa kanila pero hindi sila nagre-reply. Nagme-message ka sa group chat ninyo pero ganun din, “seen zoned” ka lang at hindi din sila nagre-react. Kapag ibang friends ang nag-start ng chat thread, todo sagot naman sila. Nag-aaya ka na lumabas kayo kaya lang hindi daw sila pwede kasi may gagawin. Pero kapag may ibang miyembro ng grupo ang nagyaya, pwede sila pumunta.

3. Ang pag-LIKE at pagbigay ng mga comments sa mga Instagram posts, Facebook status updates or Tweets ay senyales ng acknowledgements at affirmation na napansin ka nila. Oo, kahit na sabihin nang ang babaw ng dahilan pero ang mga reactions na ito ang nagpapakita ng pagpapahalaga sa iyo ng mga so-called friends mo. This is a two-way street though, at dapat ikaw, ganun din sa kanila.

4. “Instashame” ang isang tawag sa hindi pag-tag sa iyo sa posted photos na wala ka pero sana nandoon, kung friends pa din kayo at inimbitahan ka nila. At dahil nga hindi ka na nila friend, obvious sa mga nakakakilala sa inyo na hindi ka na part ng grupo dahil marami-raming pictures na ang naipost na hindi ka kasama.

In real life or IRL, narito naman ang senyales na hindi ka na friend ng friends mo:

1. Feeling awkward ka kapag kasama mo sila. Kung dati, kahit matagal mo sila hindi kasama, it’s as if parang walang nawalang oras sa inyo at ang kwentuhan ay tuloy-tuloy pa din. Kung feeling mo nangangapa ka at hindi maka-relate, ibig sabihin, hindi ka na nakakasabay sa grupo.

2. Hindi ka ba magkasakay at maka-relate sa mga jokes at innuendo? Pwedeng ito ay senyales na wala ka sa inner circle at hindi ka privy sa mga secrets at mga pinag-usapan nila.

3. Hindi ka na isinama sa lunch or coffee date na usually eh pinaplano nyo to jive your busy schedules? Hindi ka sinabihan na may impromptu dinner date? Nararamdaman mo yun na hindi ka na niya gusto makasama lalo na kung ilang taon na kayo magkakaibigan at alam mo na ang takbo ng pag-iisip ng mga kaibigan mo kahit hindi nila sabihin sa iyo na ayaw ka na nilang makasama.

4. Beyond the usual greeting through Social Media man or through text messages kung halimbawa birthday ng isang kasama sa group at hindi ito nasundan ng usual chika, nagpapahayag ito na tila ba wala na kayong gana na maging up-to-date sa inyong buhay-buhay.

5. Nalalaman mo lang ang mga life changes sa buhay ng mga supposedly close friends mo, whether major or minor, though the grapevine. Kumbaga, hindi ka updated sa kanilang buhay-buhay.

6. Nakakahalata na ang mga kakilala ninyo at nagtatanong kung ano ba ang problema at bakit tila ba hindi ka na parte ng grupo. Maaaring concern ang nararamdaman ng iba at may pagkakataon namang dapat isipin din mabuti kung kanino mag-open up sa nararamdaman dahil baka makarating sa mga so-called friends ang iyong hinaing at ma-misinterpret. Sa huli, ikaw pa ang lalabas na masama.

So, ano’ng gagawin mo ngayon?

1. Guilty ka ba? Kung sa palagay mo na ikaw ay dapat ma-guilty dahil may ginawa kang hindi nila nagustuhan na directly affected sila, ask them kung ano ba ang mga issue at paano ba ito mare-resolve? Maaring guilty ka dahil nagkukwento ka sa kanila ng problema mo sa buhay at kaya mo ginawa iyon dahil kailangan mo ng mga kaibigang makikinig sa iyong saloobin. Maaring guilty ka sa hindi pagsama sa mga lakad dahil busy ka sa iyong trabaho. Kung nagsasawa na sila sa ganitong attitude mo, kung sila ay mga tunay mong mga kaibigan, maaaring namang pag-usapan kung ano ang issue nila sa iyo.

2. Kung hindi ka guilty dahil sa pagkakaalam mo ay wala kang inutang, walang hiniram na hindi ibinalik, hindi mo sila chini-chismis sa ibang tao, wala kang dapat alalahanin. Kung sa tingin mo hindi ka nagkulang sa dapat ipakita bilang isang kaibigan, hindi ka din dapat ma-guilty. Continue living your life without the guilt bothering you and avoid putting a cramp in your lifestyle dahil sa hindi ka na kasama sa friendship na ito.

3. Be a better version of yourself, with or without the guilt. Pwede mong subukang gawin ang mga bagay na hindi mo pa nagagawa and in doing so, you develop new friendships while developing new skills and interests.

4. Pagtanggap sa mga pagbabago sa pagkakaibigan. Maaaring hanggang diyan na lamang ang inyong pagiging magkaibigan. Ika nga, may mga bagay-bagay na may hangganan.

5. Move on. Ito ang pinakamahirap gawin sa lahat dahil hindi lang ito nagsisimbolo ng pagtatapos ng inyong pagkakaibigan, ito ay tila pagsasara sa isang yugto ng iyong buhay na bagama’t nagkaroon ng masasayang ala-ala, nagdulot din kurot sa puso, sakit ng saloobin at bigat sa dibdib.
Wika nga ni Anna Lyndsey sa aklat na “Girl in the Dark” tungkol sa pakikipagkaibigan: “Friendship plants itself as a small unobtrusive seed; over time, it grows thick roots that wrap around your heart. When a love affair ends, the tree is torn out quickly, the operation painful but clean. Friendship withers quietly, there is always hope for revival. Only after time has passed do you recognize that it is dead, and you are left, for years afterwards, pulling dry brown fibers from your chest.”

Way to go, Joe

Naalala ko nung bata pa ako, kasama ko ang aking Mama sa aming tindahan ng may dumating na Amerikano. Matangkad, guwapo (para sa akin ha), matangos ang ilong, maputi, light brown ang buhok at kulay gray ang mga mata. Pero ang unang mapapansin sa kanya, siya ay balbas-sarado. Nang makita ko siya, madali akong tumalikod at sinabi sa aking Mama “Ma, nakakatakot naman si Joe (ang tawag sa mga lalaking puti noong araw), balbas sarado kasi, di man lang nag-aahit.”

Nagulat ako nung siya ay sumagot ng “Nene, bakit ka matatakot sa akin dahil sa aking balbas? Wala kasi akong oras para magshave kasi nasa bundok kami ng mga kasama ko at nagtuturo sa mga Ita.”

Hiyang-hiya naman ako at kaagad nag-sorry sa kanya. Nahiya ako hindi dahil sa sinabi kung nakakatakot siya kundi dahil naintindihan pala niya ang aking di magandang sinabi tungkol sa kanya Nakakatawang nakakahiya, hindi ba?

read the rest of the article here.

We Voted

We voted. Did you?

Voted.

Several of the candidates we voted for didn’t make it. We knew somehow that that might be a possibility but still we chose them because we believe that they can make a difference and that they are capable to do so.

We are not swayed by familiar names. We are not swayed by trends in surveys. We choose based on the agenda and objectives and political will to initiate change which we need.

I still believe that our nation will still be better but this does not just start with the leaders we choose to lead us. We should not complain that nothing changes based solely on the leaders we chose. Cliche it may be but we ourselves should initiate change, however small,  if we want to have a better nation.

No Topics to Blog About?

I remember writing about Blogging with Passion two years plus a few days ago. Having re-read that post I wrote, the same situations I mentioned in some parts still exist today. And if I dare say the situations have even worsened, well, it is though I will not go into details anymore because these would be hearsay.

Ah yeah, the gatecrash-ing really happens, it DOES HAPPEN and I’ve seen it with my own eyes just a few days ago.

We can’t say we don’t have topics to blog about. One does not need to go to every event invite to be able to write about something in their blogs. There is much happening around us to even say we can’t think of a topic to write about. If you think there is not too many happenings around you, make time to make things happen!

How? Take up a hobby and write about it. Enrol in a fitness programs and blog about it.  Move your furniture around and blog about it. Go to the market and blog about how others may benefit from haggling and how to spot the freshest fish. You have a passion for shoes? Blog about it. And what about that ham you prepared that everyone was crazy about? Blog.about.it.

As I have written before, live passionately and write about what you are passionate about.

Here are more things to be passionate about that will give you ideas on what to write about:

You can write about the food you prepared at home or even about the photos you took. Why, you can write about how being a mom or a dad has changed you. You can blog about your cat as well as blog about the things you purchased at bargain stores. Blog about your Christmas tree if you may, as well as the half chaps, the flipflops on sale and that gorgeous dress at half the price you got last week.

If you live passionately, there is a lot to blog about because you are inspired, because you are happy and not groggy the morning after because you were out till almost midnight somewhere for a product launch of something you don’t even use or can’t afford to buy personally.

Are You Sharing Too Much?

My parents probably warned me about sharing too much, back in the day when the digital tools and gadgets were still seen by many through movies that feature space travel, James Bond or other spy movies.I know because I don’t always give my home address to anyone wanting to write me a letter.

These days, it is my turn to warn my children about protecting their privacy especially what they share online. What I tell them:

  • don’t give the name of your school
  • don’t give the name of your parents
  • don’t give out our telephone number
  • don’t give your email address
  • don’t give our home address nor post photos with a home sign

I also tweaked the privacy settings in their FB accounts so that no one can write on their walls, see photos they were tagged with and hid all other pertinent information. There are FB contacts who can’t see photos and status updates they are not supposed to see. I did this with my FB account too.

So, I think we’re safe. Apparently we are NOT SAFE.

According to this article, The Dangers of Sharing, author Lori Andrews said “Your right to control is currently being diluted by the sheer number of things you have to do to exercise it,”

Do we put out our email addresses in the open to be able to qualify to win a bottle of lotion being raffled off in a Facebook product page?

Do we open up our Facebook private walls to make a status update for “EVERYONE” just so we can win a shirt?

Nick Bilton, a New York Times San Francisco-based columnist and blogger wrote:

“As users of these sites and apps, we have no idea the type of information we are trading for ‘free’ access.”

“It’s one thing for a service to tell me that it plans to read my e-mails, sift through my address book, or look in my underwear drawer — then it is my responsibility to decide if I want to use the service — but it’s entirely different for these company’s to do so at will.

“Sure, I want LinkedIn, Facebook and other services to offer a better experience, but I want to know what they are doing with my personal information, this way, I can choose to enter with caution, knowing the potential consequences, or try to find an alternative service that is more transparent.”

How often have you read what a free app takes away from you as you download this on your phone? If an app says it will remove or delete data in my SD card, read my sms and email, then I won’t have it in my phone, even if I really like the app.